Well here it is almost Halloween again and there is nothing that says Halloween more than the creepy crawly spider. So here is a personal account of my most hair up on the neck spider adventure: Once upon a time in a land far, far away called Omaha I was transferred from Offutt Air Force base to another job site at Dover Air Force base in Dover Delaware. No spiders in Omaha, that I remember, but to get to Dover I needed some wheels so I went out and bought a Chevy Impala Super Sport. Today they look old and dated and kind of silly but then so do I, but that car was considered, at that time, to be a real hottie (a car hottie). The next morning I was up early and headed out to hook up with the newly opened interstate highway heading east. So here I go,a 22 year old in a pretty fast car with the local AM station beaming out the latest in rock ‘n roll hits with the speakers cranked to 11 and at that moment life was good. Somewhere in the next five minutes I came up a slight hill and when I topped the rise the sunlight hit me right square in the eyes. I reached up to pull down the visor and with it dropped down something else that bumped me in the nose. Now I’m swatting at what I thought was some little benign bug and with every swat it would bounce to an eyebrow, then flutter in an ear, back of the neck, the other ear, eyebrow again. Then through my still squinting eyes I can see that I’m not swatting at just some simple little bug, no I can finally make out a single strand spider web attached to a huge number 10 black spider about the size of that zip code with, in that instant, about a hundred legs each a yard long. They probably heard me scream in Chicago. Of course I hit the ditch at about mach two while trying to fight off the alien invader with the foot long poisonous fangs as it continued to attack me to gain control of the car for itself because at that instant it could drive better than I could. So me and the Tarantula from Hell are going at it toe to toe while I’m trying to steer the car out of the high-speed, curiously symmetrical, highway donuts while standing on the brakes. Long story short I finally got in a solid swat and knocked the thing across the car and it hit the passengers window giving me a couple of seconds to get control of the car and stop. When I looked over to where it had been a couple of seconds ago, it was gone. Second scream heard in Chicago. There I was standing in the middle of the interstate while people slowly passed shaking their heads at what appeared to be a drunk kid in his daddy’s car. About then a semi, with all his lights flashing, pulled in behind me and stopped. He walked up trying to see the cause of this seeming disaster with the strong smell of burning rubber that, curiously, was not setting in broken glass. When I told him what had happened he broke out in a gale of laughter and continued chuckling as we gingerly searched the car for any sight of Aracnazilla. Never found it. Must have snuck out and scuttled off into the vast cornfield next to the highway. Over the years I have read some accounts of what are supposed to be Bigfoot sightings in that part of the world, but I know what it really is and it ain’t Bigfoot and it’s probably still pissed.
Posted by: paywindow7 | October 24, 2012
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